Unmasking the Pleaser: My Journey to Authenticity and Assertiveness

I'm here to share my tumultuous journey from being a determined dream-chaser to a doubter, and finally, to someone ready to embrace authenticity and assertiveness.

So, there I was, full of excitement about every shiny new idea life threw my way – a new job, a business venture, you name it. I'd dive headfirst, sign up for courses, paint elaborate pictures of my future, fill up my agenda and passionately dive into the new venture. Until reality hit, and the inner critic, Mister Insecurity, whispered sweet doubts in my ear. "This idea? Nah, not for you. Is this what you really wanted?” What he really means is “You'll never be good enough."

It wasn't until a chat with my career coach, Rob, that I stumbled upon the uninvited guest in my mind – Mister Insecure himself. Rob dropped a truth bomb during a virtual call about control-freakiness and micromanagement: 

“We try to get a sense of control because we are insecure”

Curious to explore this revelation, I sought book recommendations on the link between control-freakiness and insecurity. ChatGPT, my virtual book guru, came up with titles like "The Gifts of Imperfection" and "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown and "The Assertiveness Workbook" by Randy J. Paterson

I was confused at first, what does assertiveness have to do with this? After reading “The Assertiveness Workbook” it hit me: 

Assertiveness “is about developing the courage to take ‘your’ disguise off. It helps those who have already tried playing an artificial role and have found it suffocating…. Assertiveness, then, is about being there. Taking your place.”

And there it was, my eureka moment. My compulsion for control and micromanagement? All a disguise to hide part of myself. I was tired of playing a role, hiding half of myself, and fearing to reveal my true opinions and emotions.

Now armed with the new wisdom, I've embarked on the quest to shed the pleaser's skin. Learning to say no, explaining my limitations, and facing uncomfortable conversations will hopefully become my new superpowers. 

Why am I such a pleaser, you ask? Fear of conflict, criticism, and the illusion that bending to others guarantees love and acceptance. 

So here I am, ditching the pursuit of external solutions for internal dilemmas. No more courses or new job functions – it's time to tackle the core cause of my quirks. The insecurity to be myself. And what better way to face it than by baring it all to the World ? Maybe someone out there relates, and my journey becomes a guiding light for them.

If not, well, this is my space to build the courage to unveil the real me. I hope my rollercoaster ride through ups and downs resonates with you, helping you find your courage and voice. After all, the world could use a bit more authenticity. So, buckle up, dear reader, for the wild ride ahead!
 

With Love, Marta

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Quick heads-up - if you decide to embark on a magical journey through the links on my site, know you're also tossing a sprinkle of financial fairy dust my way. How does this work? Well, I've got  associate partner links leading you to online wonderland of money spending. 

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If you're cool with being my financial support then thanks for supporting my adventures, I'm really grateful. But if this partner thing feels a bit off, no worries. You can google (or better, use the ecologic version of google: ecosia) the product directly instead of clicking through from here. 

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If the whole link-money-magic confuses you, fear not! I've got your back. Let me know, and I'll create a blog post to demystify the sorcery. I  hate it myself when the cookies magic lurks about without our knowledge.